Seasons Greetings from The Netherlands, or A Very Politically Incorrect Christmas

Well, Holland is certainly not escaping the early winter that's settling on the rest of the world. It's been hovering around zero on the Celsius for weeks now, and we've seen snow most weekends (although, alas, not enough to do anything with). But that's okay, really, because there's been plenty of holiday cheer to spread around. First there was St. Martin's Day, and now Sinterklaas! Or 'Sint' as he's generally known.

Now, before we go on we need to have a nice, mature discussion about Black Pete. Zwarte Piet is very much a part of the Sinterklaas experience here in the Netherlands. There's actually a bunch of Petes (the exact number has never been determined) and they help St. Nicholas with the messy business of distributing presents to all the deserving kinderen and bagging and carting away the bad ones (yes really!). And they have a couple weeks to do it. It really makes more sense then one fat guy on Christmas Eve, if you think about it!

Oh but of course there's the fact that Black Pete is, well, uh... black.

One story you'll hear a lot is that he got that way from climbing down chimneys. Fine, but that doesn't really explain the big red lips, the large ears often seen in illustrations, the short curly hair, or his general resemblance to a character from a minstrel show. You know what I'm saying?



Every so often I have to stop and giggle and say "This would be so Not Okay in America." Be that as it may, Pete is a generally embraced part of the festivities here, and even the African immigrants here in the community seem not to mind.

So, bearing in mind these key cultural differences, we proceed.

Sint doesn't sneak into town by the dead of night. He arrives by boat on a bright November morning and disembarks before throngs of screaming children. Then he rides a white horse to Dam Square, pictured above in celebratory expectation of this event.


The Petes have formed a live band belting out thumping pop renditions of popular Sinterklaas standbys. One thing you quickly learn about The Petes: they can do anything.

And then, the moment everyone's been waiting for: The former Bishop of Turkey, riding on a white horse!


Don't be fooled by his kindly appearance - he still packs bad kids up in sacks and hauls them off to Spain.

Another black man who can't catch a break. Sorry Darth, everyone's here to see Sint today!

I'll stop soon, really, I will.

Here in the community we get in on the fun, too. Anne and Jorine dressed up as Petes to visit the local kindergarten. Yes, Petes can be a bit feminine. Sort of a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" thing.

Jorine's got the bag. Uh oh!

Anne looking jaunty.

Dressing up as Pete is apparently good for one's ego. Everybody says hi and you get to make fun of total strangers.

It's good times, or so I'm told.

Now 5 December is Sint's official last night in town. That night all the hopeful little ones leave a shoe out (probably a wooden one in days of yore) in hopes that some helpful Pete will stuff a present or two into it. Thank God for iPods, yeah?

Here at Oudezijds 100, we have our own visit from Sint and Pete - a gift exchange. Everyone is given a name and then you go out and spend no more than €5 on a gift. For €5 it's going to be a pretty lame gift, but in a Dutch gift exchange the gift isn't really the point. It's all about how you wrap it.

The expectation is that a Dutch present, at minimum, will liberally misrepresent its actual contents. If you're lazy, you might just wrap it twice, but the creative gift giver may incorporate such things false bottoms, empty boxes and misleading shapes into their packages. A poem is then affixed, signed "Sint and Pete" (in a Dutch gift exchange the onus is on the receiver to uncover their 'benefactor'), and the deal is done.

Poor Anne received a screwdriver and a wrapped wooden box, which was fastened with dozens of wood screws, at least three cm in length, that had to be laboriously unscrewed for a half hour. I don't even know what she got.

My favorite 'surprise' though... well, I'll save that for later.

Anyway, we all gathered in the kapitaalzaal and, armed with lots of hot chocolate and pepernoten, awaited the arrival of Sint and Pete.

They came!







Ferdinand proves that grown up kids can get gifts too.



The spread.

But yeah, my favorite gift of the day? Well, it had to be this one:







Well, I don't see how whatever was in the box could be anything but a letdown after the Jesus Action Figure! Ah, well.

That's all the time we have for today kids, but if you're craving more Dutch mirth and merriment, you need to hear David Sedaris' reading his essay on Sinterklaas, entitled "Six to Eight Black Men." It's absolutely hysterical, and it's here, here and here.